Romantic Contemplates Love

Backdrop of blue
Cool breeze kisses
Fixes hair
Sneezes
Sun warms shoulders
filtered through trees
Shadows dance on ground
Chrysalis misses owner
construction to esteem
Wind chime sings perfect tune
Flower prepares for journey
Bird graces with song
quickly carries on
Cloud shades the sun
Breeze picks up steam
Greenhouse crackles
Swing comforts
Children talking
something profound
Shovel waits for Gardner
Cross catches eye
Plastic owl keeps watch
Compost maturing
Ants disturbed
some leave
High on hill
Tree tops
Acorns litter ground
Lone vulture patrols sky
Cardinal dashes by
Old oak past prime
almost lost last leaf

Thinking about Love

Backdrop of blue
Cool breeze kisses
Fixes hair
Sneezes
Sun warms shoulders
filtered through trees
Shadows dance on ground
chrysalis misses owner
Construction to esteem
Wind chime sings perfect tune
Flower prepares for journey
Bird graces with song
quickly carries on
Cloud shades the sun
breeze picks up steam
greenhouse crackles
Swing comforts
Children talking
something profound
Shovel waits for Gardner
Cross catches eye
Plastic owl keeps watch
Compost maturing
Ants disturbed
Some leave
High on hill
Tree tops
Acorns litter ground
Lone vulture patrols sky
Cardinal dashes by
Old oak past prime
Almost lost last leaf

I Miss the Beach

Low Tide
Pulled by moon
seashore exposed
Vulnerable
Some hide
Some evolve
Some wait
Some like the moonlight
Bask
Some dig
Some head to dunes
Some swim
Fishing good by moonlight
surface full
waiting to be caught
Feeding on plankton
Huddled waiting
Barracuda
Swims from deep
Attacks fast and feeds
Belly still hungry
Repeats
Silver scales shining from light
Strong
Fast
Evolved
Hours pass
Seashore consumed
Nature returns
No more moon

Through the Eyes of a Girl-A Collection of Essays

(rough 1)
He was my best friend and he left while I was in the bathtub. We had just moved. I was five. My mom had prepared dinner. The table was set and the house smelled of pot roast and potatoes. She had baked bread and made a beautiful and healthy salad. She put me in the bath and filled the water up with bubbles. I played with a washcloth and swirled it beneath my fingers. She left the door open so she could hear me. We were all in a good mood. I felt at home.

My brother was in his room. He was drawing. He got up and looked in his closet, he plugged in an iron and starched a shirt. He was in high school and he was cool. He was smart, good looking and preppy. He was the President of his class. He was captain of the football team. He drove an El Camino, he gave rides to the other teenagers in our neighborhood. I was proud of him, proud to be his little sister. Everyone knew me because of him. His girlfriends were nice to me and taught me how to cheer.

My dad came in around 7:00, later than he was expected . He was carrying a 12 pack of beer. He didn't speak to me when he came in the door. He walked past the bathroom through the living room and into the kitchen. I could hear he and my mom talk. I tilted my ear to listen. I could hear them, but not clearly over the TV, the sound of the water. Their voices got louder and I began to take notice. I sat in still water turning colder, the bubbles now were gone. My brother stood up and listened at his doorway. He motioned at me across the hall to stay quiet.

I heard my mom begin to cry. She said, "It's not fair!" she started talking quickly starting to move about. I could hear the sadness in her voice I could here the desperation of someone who was scared. My dads voice got louder and he began to get upset. He tried to calm her, but she didn't listen. She started going insane. She cleared the cabinets , pushed everything to the floor. She started throwing things and hitting him upon the chest. She begged and pleaded. She cursed him. She ran down the hallway looking for my brother. She found his room and started screaming. "Your dad wants to leave us, he wants to get a divorce. He doesn't love us anymore. Isn't that funny?" She screamed.

I sat in the tub being still. Tears flowing from my eyes. I twisted the washcloth and held it close while I cried. I was afraid to leave the water. It was private and warm and safe. I hid behind the curtain. I just listened. My dad started getting mad he was frustrated by the show. He threatened her to calm her down, but she didn't. He grabbed his jacket and keys, he headed to the door. My mom attacked him with the pot roast and threw it at him. He yelled that she was crazy and he knew it would turn out like this. He had almost made it to the door when he stopped. He yelled for me, "Clara are you there?"
I sat quietly afraid to talk. "Clara if you're there, I want you to know something. I love you with all my heart. Don't forget it, I'll always love you. I'll be back real soon."
He left through the doorway I never saw his face. I listened as his car drove away stunned by what had happened. My brother closed his door. My mother sat in a chair and weeped. I turned back on the water and laid down.

Snow Queen

And so I cry the thought of leaving you

Spoon fed with happiness

Reality removed as the snowflakes fall

I dance in my dream but know of the sludge that’s underneath

I prepare to say good-bye I prepare to say hello again

I’ll miss you Mr. Jolly thanks for flying me up North

I’ll miss you tender kisses and hands full of desire for me

I’ll miss you trips of no worry and no complaints

I’ll miss you my friend

You’ve been here for me with love

The snowflakes fall and dance and shine

Reflections from the light

The snowflakes surround me

I’m a vision of happiness no sorrow and no restraints

I spin in a circle I float on the way down

I swirl as the wind blows and I shine with light

A tiara full of diamonds upon my head

I’m cold

And, There You Were

And, there you were

Unexpected

Smiling

Eyes Ablaze

Showing Affection

Supportive

Encouraging

Inviting

Accommodating

Across from me

And, there you were

Unexpected

Longing

Eating

Brown

Eyes Ablaze

And, there you were

Again

You made it happen

Again you were there

Across from me

Again

Again

Again

Full of Love

Pin ball man staring from across the room eyes fixed anticipating the ride

striking features hollywood smile you laughed with me you wore red converse

time escapes me and you are there loving supporting taking care of me

soft kisses and tender unknown desire respect encouragement and dreams

escape adventure the highest of thrills diving down to the depths of the ocean

In the dark and in the day travel new places excitement with every turn

Swimming snakes

But darkness something always constantly that wasn’t there or was there and we covered it up like a dust bunny swept it under the rug and found the thrill anyway so much and yet so little committed to being co-dependent committed to fulfill our own needs

Make not a bond of love

Death and the birth and the birth and the birth until we were done every ounce of adrenaline spent brain dead and more brain dead and more brain dead because of the first and more important love who we were and what we loved is gone life changed we changed and neither of us was ready a utopia for someone else for someone who appreciates candles and comfy couches and children laughing in a yard and dinner and stability

Your girlfriend sends me a picture of my boyfriend nice or wicked what is the point if only to make me more insecure I love and miss you and want to find the desire we once knew or maybe knew or maybe never knew but only needed one another intertwined like barbed wire strong and willing to withstand great challenges but spiked and twisted and rusted from the rain will we make the effort or will we continue on our path I don’t think you want to leave me I think you only want the thrill the high of life that we all search for while writing at Starbucks on a Thursday night oh how I love a cup of calm and vanilla