2. 27.11

An old woman
Wheelchair, no-
Mechanical bed chair

Smell of
Feet/urine
Exposed leg
Weak
Pale
Blanket

Ut Longhorn fleece blanket
A daughters gift
Clock
Digital
Never seen
Heard, barely
2:37pm
Several hours till supper.

May we talk?
Uncomfortably close to ear
An echo
Thunder ringing
Explosion
Hello?

An understanding
Turning to the light
Shifting not possible
Touch
I'll rub your arm and shoulder,
Is that ok?
May I touch you?

Smile on lips
Eyes fixated toward the sky-
darkness
Only visual memory
Of what was

Let's move to a better place
Let's take a trip
Do you mind?
Seclusion
Privacy to enjoy
Alone


What do I say
Who am I
Animals in common
There is a cat
Who are we?

Life experience
A tattoo
On skin
Flowing through white hair
Balding

Grand pustules emerging from face
Moles no one wants to see
Eyes dark
Completely dark
Blind
But wait a circle of blue
Crust

I wish for you-a bed of air
Comfort you
Relieve your bed sores
You are so weak you cannot move
I pity you
I want to give you a facial
-stretch you out
I will clean you.

I bring you a gift
Of lavender
The only thing you might really enjoy
Without sight
Without sound

Mud pies of red clay
Memories of a sister
West Texas
Victoria
Barney

Engineer
No alcohol
No drugs
Treated her well
2boys /1girl/5 grand children

Do they know?
Where are they?
Consumed with life.
Caught on the trap.
Missing the point-
But, I shall not judge.
I give grace
I think I'm given the same

-meditation-

Talk of a cat
A scared shy cat
Squeezed to death
By a lover
She hides
Why won't she rest upon the blanket?
I'll search for her and bring her back.

Please don't go
She begs
Surely you've more time
Twice,
She begged.

Joyride
3 hours early for dinner
She'll wait.
Someone is coming to sing!
Will she know when they arrive?
She's facing the wrong direction-
while Suzy claps at a table.

Bouncing, smiling
Singing, having fun!
Oh what joy!
At least she's smiling-
She appreciates a hug.


Good-bye
Good luck?
Not sure what to say.
It was nice to meet you.
Good-bye
I walk a hall
Secured gates
I drive away.

Reflecting on true loneliness-
Love for the old woman.
Am I impartial?
Am I sarcastic?
I think I see the real point.
Why do I engage?

Calm 2 .16.11 {unedited, unfinished, but seems appropriate now}

Can I find creativity in the calm?
Again here, chasing ghost.
Thanks for sharing, I think
And then retreat
Not sure again

Can I find creativity in the calm?
Chemical addiction
A natural high
Created by someone
Who always says good-bye

Can I find creativity in the calm?
Truths revealed
Fantasy forgotten
Which way will it go
I wait

Can I find creativity in the calm?
It's easy when I'm in love
It's easy when I grasp and hold
Not easy when confused and calm

Can I find creativity in the calm?
Is there a future
It all makes sense now
you said it would

Can I find creativity in the calm?
I want to come to you
Passwords not forgotten
But I'm scared
Scared of rejection
unanswered emails
cleaning a flower
Of being a joke

Can I find creativity in the calm?
I could wait
response forth coming
You will leave soon
Opportunity awaits


Can I find creativity in the calm?
I want to meet you
But that's your game, I think.
Suspended excitement
Love and shame

Can I find creativity in the calm?
You know me
I want a chance
To meet and dance
Afraid to ask
I love you
Unending tears

Calm 2 .16.11 {unedited, unfinished, but seems appropriate now}

Can I find creativity in the calm?
Again here, chasing ghost.
Thanks for sharing, I think
And then retreat
Not sure again

Can I find creativity in the calm?
Chemical addiction
A natural high
Created by someone
Who always says good-bye

Can I find creativity in the calm?
Truths revealed
Fantasy forgotten
Which way will it go
I wait

Can I find creativity in the calm?
It's easy when I'm in love
It's easy when I grasp and hold
Not easy when confused and calm

Can I find creativity in the calm?
Is there a future
It all makes sense now
you said it would

Can I find creativity in the calm?
I want to come to you
Passwords not forgotten
But I'm scared
Scared of rejection
unanswered emails
cleaning a flower
Of being a joke

Can I find creativity in the calm?
I could wait
response forth coming
You will leave soon
Opportunity awaits


Can I find creativity in the calm?
I want to meet you
But that's your game, I think.
Suspended excitement
Love and shame

Can I find creativity in the calm?
You know me
I want a chance
To meet and dance
Afraid to ask
I love you

What I Want From Love 2.16.11

A thousand kisses upon face
A thousand glances I would grace
Rub temples
Make tea
Light a candle
You will see
While you work
Lie on couch
Humor you
Or act a grouch
Lie in bed
No longer blue
See your face
Watch you chew
Laugh and smile
Play chase
Hug attack
Around waist
Just one day
Alone
All I ask
Love
I want to try on your clothes
Wear all your shirts
A sexy hat
I'll be a flirt
Smell your pillows
Throw them in the air
Take a shower
Wash my hair
I want to jump up and down
Scream at the top of my lungs
Play twister
Scrabble
Run outside
Cartwheels

And so, I prepare to love....

Romantic Contemplates Love 2.14.11

Backdrop of blue
Cool breeze kisses
Fixes hair
Sneezes
Sun warms shoulders
filtered through trees
Shadows dance on ground
Chrysalis misses owner
construction to esteem
Wind chime sings perfect tune
Flower prepares for journey
Bird graces with song
quickly carries on
Cloud shades the sun
Breeze picks up steam
Greenhouse crackles
Swing comforts
Children talking
something profound
Shovel waits for Gardner
Cross catches eye
Plastic owl keeps watch
Compost maturing
Ants disturbed
some leave
High on hill
Tree tops
Acorns litter ground
Lone vulture patrols sky
Cardinal dashes by
Old oak past prime
almost lost last leaf

Romantic Contemplates Love

Backdrop of blue
Cool breeze kisses
Fixes hair
Sneezes
Sun warms shoulders
filtered through trees
Shadows dance on ground
Chrysalis misses owner
construction to esteem
Wind chime sings perfect tune
Flower prepares for journey
Bird graces with song
quickly carries on
Cloud shades the sun
Breeze picks up steam
Greenhouse crackles
Swing comforts
Children talking
something profound
Shovel waits for Gardner
Cross catches eye
Plastic owl keeps watch
Compost maturing
Ants disturbed
some leave
High on hill
Tree tops
Acorns litter ground
Lone vulture patrols sky
Cardinal dashes by
Old oak past prime
almost lost last leaf

Thinking about Love

Backdrop of blue
Cool breeze kisses
Fixes hair
Sneezes
Sun warms shoulders
filtered through trees
Shadows dance on ground
chrysalis misses owner
Construction to esteem
Wind chime sings perfect tune
Flower prepares for journey
Bird graces with song
quickly carries on
Cloud shades the sun
breeze picks up steam
greenhouse crackles
Swing comforts
Children talking
something profound
Shovel waits for Gardner
Cross catches eye
Plastic owl keeps watch
Compost maturing
Ants disturbed
Some leave
High on hill
Tree tops
Acorns litter ground
Lone vulture patrols sky
Cardinal dashes by
Old oak past prime
Almost lost last leaf

I Miss the Beach

Low Tide
Pulled by moon
seashore exposed
Vulnerable
Some hide
Some evolve
Some wait
Some like the moonlight
Bask
Some dig
Some head to dunes
Some swim
Fishing good by moonlight
surface full
waiting to be caught
Feeding on plankton
Huddled waiting
Barracuda
Swims from deep
Attacks fast and feeds
Belly still hungry
Repeats
Silver scales shining from light
Strong
Fast
Evolved
Hours pass
Seashore consumed
Nature returns
No more moon

Through the Eyes of a Girl-A Collection of Essays

(rough 1)
He was my best friend and he left while I was in the bathtub. We had just moved. I was five. My mom had prepared dinner. The table was set and the house smelled of pot roast and potatoes. She had baked bread and made a beautiful and healthy salad. She put me in the bath and filled the water up with bubbles. I played with a washcloth and swirled it beneath my fingers. She left the door open so she could hear me. We were all in a good mood. I felt at home.

My brother was in his room. He was drawing. He got up and looked in his closet, he plugged in an iron and starched a shirt. He was in high school and he was cool. He was smart, good looking and preppy. He was the President of his class. He was captain of the football team. He drove an El Camino, he gave rides to the other teenagers in our neighborhood. I was proud of him, proud to be his little sister. Everyone knew me because of him. His girlfriends were nice to me and taught me how to cheer.

My dad came in around 7:00, later than he was expected . He was carrying a 12 pack of beer. He didn't speak to me when he came in the door. He walked past the bathroom through the living room and into the kitchen. I could hear he and my mom talk. I tilted my ear to listen. I could hear them, but not clearly over the TV, the sound of the water. Their voices got louder and I began to take notice. I sat in still water turning colder, the bubbles now were gone. My brother stood up and listened at his doorway. He motioned at me across the hall to stay quiet.

I heard my mom begin to cry. She said, "It's not fair!" she started talking quickly starting to move about. I could hear the sadness in her voice I could here the desperation of someone who was scared. My dads voice got louder and he began to get upset. He tried to calm her, but she didn't listen. She started going insane. She cleared the cabinets , pushed everything to the floor. She started throwing things and hitting him upon the chest. She begged and pleaded. She cursed him. She ran down the hallway looking for my brother. She found his room and started screaming. "Your dad wants to leave us, he wants to get a divorce. He doesn't love us anymore. Isn't that funny?" She screamed.

I sat in the tub being still. Tears flowing from my eyes. I twisted the washcloth and held it close while I cried. I was afraid to leave the water. It was private and warm and safe. I hid behind the curtain. I just listened. My dad started getting mad he was frustrated by the show. He threatened her to calm her down, but she didn't. He grabbed his jacket and keys, he headed to the door. My mom attacked him with the pot roast and threw it at him. He yelled that she was crazy and he knew it would turn out like this. He had almost made it to the door when he stopped. He yelled for me, "Clara are you there?"
I sat quietly afraid to talk. "Clara if you're there, I want you to know something. I love you with all my heart. Don't forget it, I'll always love you. I'll be back real soon."
He left through the doorway I never saw his face. I listened as his car drove away stunned by what had happened. My brother closed his door. My mother sat in a chair and weeped. I turned back on the water and laid down.