Grande Half Caf

Admiring diamond ring-
a love bracelet by Cartier-
reflections over a paper-
the Simple things in life.

They refrain exploring the dark-
nights of what else might I be missing-
they don't say-
Simply enjoying a paper.

No electronic in sight-
Uncomfortably close, eye to eye-
they might actually kiss-
Is that love?

4.1.11 Colors of Grace

Bright blue eyes smiling up at me
A sunrise beyond perfection
Breakfast made, a shower
Grateful for a days work
Health

Opportunity given, time to explore
Meditation in my mind, I adore.
Friends arrive with love
Friends arrive with hate
All a part of daily life, calling at my gate.

In my spiritual journey I grow
A place where I vent, i go and know
The place where I love, and give and receive.
Real, and a part of me.

Driving down the endless road
The back and forth of life
Voices from others calling me
I try and grow my light.

Jealousy, teamwork, envy, greed
What do they all say of me?
I worry I'm not perfect, and bleed.
I don't want to let you down.

love unconditional, enough to go around
I try and wear the glowing crown, and fail.
Have mercy on me I beg, please give me sight
But I know you and you teach us sometimes in fright

It's alright God, I can handle this
This life of mine-your given bliss.
I love my neighbor
Want to see them through
We can grow together and never be blue

The gifts we appreciate
The bad we scorn, but it's all from you,
In secular form. I embrace it and I love.
Thank you from above.


In the secular I am still
Because this is where we till.
This is where we grow and learn.
The communion where we face you
and we are tested.

Quietly leading us on
You hold our hands
You guide us on
You teach us well
Love me God
And let me love all others.

Clear the road, throw our own monkeys.
The things in life you send to me
I love and will love and do love
I realize the spirit in the secular
I embrace all that you've given me.

And so I till and continue to grow
Knowing that you lead me.
Grateful for the unexpected things in life
That teach me.
Let the secular become the spirit
And the spirit become the daily life.

I only want love that last
I grow through strife in the needles.
That's alright, all a gift from you
In our happiness of love we are sometimes blue.

Thank you God for everything you've given me.
Scorned by not abiding in you, I am a broken branch
Cast into the fire.
With you, I am a branch that bears fruit
And am sweet and delicious.

Attending to Love 3.23.11

Resting head on pillow
Embracing each new song
Wings carry my heart away
Blissful and Strung

Light in my navel
Painting nails pink
Floating over oceans
High while insides Sink

A man in white, loving me
From many miles beyond
Attending to my deepest desires
Sunset, you are Dawn

Stay in Spirit here with me
Love a shield from fright
I walk beside you all day long
Blinded and Bright

Enjoy the snow, the cold crisp air
Faces smiling everywhere
Take a walk, have some tea
In our Rapture we are Free

Enjoy your life, laugh and play
No regrets of past
All a part of who you are
Beautiful and masked

Accepting of your space, your needs
A judge I will not be
A loving friend holding hands
Joyful and In need

Love around 2:30pm on the Second Day of Spring

Marshmallow Goodness
Kaleidoscope spinning round
Wheel of fortune
Clever clown

So serious, Light
So serious, Bright

A thousand names
As many games
Riding through the cherry straws
Feeding my lonely brain

Kool-aid sea
Waves of cream
Sand of pixie sticks
Sailing on with me

Lollipop sweetness
Bunnies jump by
A big yellow sunflower
Saying hello dear, I am fine.

Peace
Love
Music
Art

All wrapped together
A warm and glazed
Pop tart

Kitten purring loudly
Puppy chasing ball
Deer taking first steps
I'll hold you, you won't fall.

Baby bird
Takes flight
Changing from bald
With hair
less fright


Pink and yellow
Purple
White
Blending together
Upon first sight

Sucking on sweet tarts
Skittles fill the tub
Vanilla steeping on stovetop
Makes a body rub

Coaxing with wisteria branches
Flirting with my skin
Spanking me with secret trances
This time, I am pinned.

Kiss me lover
You wash my hair
Agave steam
fills the air

Pigeonhole-you made of me
Where I can stay
And be your ____!

I'm yours,
Salt Water Taffy
delight
Never breaking away
Butterfly kisses
Singing
We are tight.

I am free
Loyal
Romantic
Creature
Calling in the night
I'll play today, everything's alright.

I'm glad you came
It goes on another day
poetic words
I'm open
Gay

Love around 2:30pm on the Second Day of Spring

Marshmallow Goodness
Kaleidoscope spinning round
Wheel of fortune
Clever clown

So serious, Light
So serious, Bright

A thousand names
As many games
Riding on the cherry waves
Sliding through my brain

Kool-aid sea
Waves of cream
Sand like pixie sticks
Sailing on with me

Lollipop sweetness
Bunnies jump by
A big yellow sunflower
Saying hello dear, I am fine.

Peace
Love
Music
Art

All wrapped together
A warm and glazed
Pop tart

Kitten purring loudly
Puppy chasing ball
Deer taking first steps
I'll hold you, you want fall.

Baby bird
Takes flight
Changing from bald
With hair
less fright


Pink and yellow
Purple
White
Blending together
Upon First sight

Sucking on sweet tarts
Skittles fill the tub
Vanilla steeping on stovetop
Makes a body rub

Coaxing with wisteria branches
Flirting with my skin
Spanking me with secret glances
This time, I am pinned.

Kiss me lover
Wash my hair
Agave steam
fills the air

Pigeonhole-you made of me
Where I can stay
And be your ____!

I'm yours,
Salt Water Taffy delight
Never breaking away
Butterfly kisses
Singing, I am free.

Loyal
Romantic
Creature
Calling in the night
I'll play today, it's alright.

I'm glad you came
It goes on another day
poetic words, I'm open
Gay

Love around 2:30pm on the Second Day of Spring

Marshmallow Goodness
Kaleidoscope spinning round
Wheel of fortune
Clever clown

So serious, Light
So serious, Bright

A thousand names
As many games
Riding on the cherry waves
Sliding through my brain

Kool-aid sea
Waves of cream
Sand like pixie sticks
Sailing on with me

Lollipop sweetness
Bunnies jump by
A big yellow sunflower
Saying hello dear, I am fine.

Peace
Love
Music
Art

All wrapped together
A warm and glazed
Pop tart

Kitten purring loudly
Puppy chasing ball
Deer taking first steps
I'll hold you, you want fall.

Baby bird
Takes flight
Changing from bald
With hair
less fright



Pink and yellow
Purple
White
Blending together
Upon First sight

Sucking on sweet tarts
Skittles fill the tub
Vanilla steeping on stovetop
Makes a body rub

Coaxing with wisteria branches
Flirting with my skin
Spanking me with secret glances
This time, I am pinned.

Kiss me lover
Wash my hair
Agave steam
in air

Pigeonhole-you made of me
Where I can stay
And be your ____!

I'm yours,
Salt Water Taffy delight
Never breaking away
Butterfly kisses
Singing, I am free.

Loyal
Romantic
Creature
Calling in the night
Ill play today, it's alright.

I'm glad you came
It goes on another day
poetic words, I'm open
Gay

Love around 2:30pm on the Second Day of Spring

Marshmallow Goodness Kaleidoscope spinning round
Wheel of fortune
Clever clown

So serious, Light
So serious, Bright

A thousand names
As many games
Riding on the cherry waves
Sliding through my brain

Kool-aid sea
Waves of cream
Sand like pixie sticks
Sailing on with me

Lollipop kisses
Bunnies jump bye
A big yellow sunflower
Saying hello dear, I am fine.

Peace
Love
Music
Art

All wrapped together
A warm and glazed
Pop tart

Kitten purring loudly
Puppy chasing ball
Deer taking first steps
I'll hold you, you want fall.

Baby bird
Takes flight
Changing from bald
With hair
less fright




Pink and yellow
Purple
White
Blending together
Upon First sight

Sucking on sweet tarts
Skittles fill the tub
Vanilla steeping on stovetop
Makes a body rub

Coaxing with wisteria branches
Flirting with my skin
Spanking me with secret glances
This time, I am pinned.

Kiss me lover
Wash my hair
Agave steam
in air

Pigeonhole-you made of me
Where I can stay
And be your ____!

I'm yours,
Salt Water Taffy delight
Never breaking away
Butterfly kisses
Singing, I am free.

Loyal
Romantic
Creature
Calling in the night
Ill play today, it's alright.

I'm glad you came
It goes on another day
poetic words, I'm open
Gay

3.7.11 mermaid

On the jagged cliffs of Cape Horn
I watch a pirate
Stealing thoughts
Bounty
Calling me on the seashore

Comb my hair with your fingers masked one
Do you want me?
Smell my neck
Embrace my scent of the blue sea

The starfish surround me
A clown fish by my side
Sharks for friends
I run with the dolphins

Admire my necklace of pearls
A gift from you
Sexy robber of dreams
Slide your fingers down my neck
Touch me
Lover

A lover I know
I've seen
Tired
Searching
Whispered in my ear

My fin is dry
I am searching for treasure of red
Follow the dolphins friend
They'll look after you
The winds can get very strong

Reflecting light
I submerge
Your face still shining on the surface
Brown eyes
Beautiful soul and Spirit
You fade

3.7.11 mermaid

On the jagged cliffs of Cape Hope
I watch a pirate
Stealing thoughts
Bounty
Calling me on the seashore

Comb my hair with your fingers masked one
Do you want me?
Smell my neck
Embrace my scent of the blue sea

The starfish surround me
A clown fish by my side
Sharks for friends
I run with the dolphins

Admire my necklace of pearls
A gift from you
Sexy robber of dreams
Slide your fingers down my neck
Touch me
Lover

A lover I know
I've seen
Tired
Searching
Whispered in my ear

My fin is dry
I am searching for treasure
Follow the dolphins friend
They'll look after you
The winds can get very strong

Reflecting light
I submerge
Your face still shining on the surface
Brown eyes
Beautiful soul and Spirit
You fade

2. 27.11

An old woman
Wheelchair, no-
Mechanical bed chair

Smell of
Feet/urine
Exposed leg
Weak
Pale
Blanket

Ut Longhorn fleece blanket
A daughters gift
Clock
Digital
Never seen
Heard, barely
2:37pm
Several hours till supper.

May we talk?
Uncomfortably close to ear
An echo
Thunder ringing
Explosion
Hello?

An understanding
Turning to the light
Shifting not possible
Touch
I'll rub your arm and shoulder,
Is that ok?
May I touch you?

Smile on lips
Eyes fixated toward the sky-
darkness
Only visual memory
Of what was

Let's move to a better place
Let's take a trip
Do you mind?
Seclusion
Privacy to enjoy
Alone


What do I say
Who am I
Animals in common
There is a cat
Who are we?

Life experience
A tattoo
On skin
Flowing through white hair
Balding

Grand pustules emerging from face
Moles no one wants to see
Eyes dark
Completely dark
Blind
But wait a circle of blue
Crust

I wish for you-a bed of air
Comfort you
Relieve your bed sores
You are so weak you cannot move
I pity you
I want to give you a facial
-stretch you out
I will clean you.

I bring you a gift
Of lavender
The only thing you might really enjoy
Without sight
Without sound

Mud pies of red clay
Memories of a sister
West Texas
Victoria
Barney

Engineer
No alcohol
No drugs
Treated her well
2boys /1girl/5 grand children

Do they know?
Where are they?
Consumed with life.
Caught on the trap.
Missing the point-
But, I shall not judge.
I give grace
I think I'm given the same

-meditation-

Talk of a cat
A scared shy cat
Squeezed to death
By a lover
She hides
Why won't she rest upon the blanket?
I'll search for her and bring her back.

Please don't go
She begs
Surely you've more time
Twice,
She begged.

Joyride
3 hours early for dinner
She'll wait.
Someone is coming to sing!
Will she know when they arrive?
She's facing the wrong direction-
while Suzy claps at a table.

Bouncing, smiling
Singing, having fun!
Oh what joy!
At least she's smiling-
She appreciates a hug.


Good-bye
Good luck?
Not sure what to say.
It was nice to meet you.
Good-bye
I walk a hall
Secured gates
I drive away.

Reflecting on true loneliness-
Love for the old woman.
Am I impartial?
Am I sarcastic?
I think I see the real point.
Why do I engage?

Calm 2 .16.11 {unedited, unfinished, but seems appropriate now}

Can I find creativity in the calm?
Again here, chasing ghost.
Thanks for sharing, I think
And then retreat
Not sure again

Can I find creativity in the calm?
Chemical addiction
A natural high
Created by someone
Who always says good-bye

Can I find creativity in the calm?
Truths revealed
Fantasy forgotten
Which way will it go
I wait

Can I find creativity in the calm?
It's easy when I'm in love
It's easy when I grasp and hold
Not easy when confused and calm

Can I find creativity in the calm?
Is there a future
It all makes sense now
you said it would

Can I find creativity in the calm?
I want to come to you
Passwords not forgotten
But I'm scared
Scared of rejection
unanswered emails
cleaning a flower
Of being a joke

Can I find creativity in the calm?
I could wait
response forth coming
You will leave soon
Opportunity awaits


Can I find creativity in the calm?
I want to meet you
But that's your game, I think.
Suspended excitement
Love and shame

Can I find creativity in the calm?
You know me
I want a chance
To meet and dance
Afraid to ask
I love you
Unending tears

Calm 2 .16.11 {unedited, unfinished, but seems appropriate now}

Can I find creativity in the calm?
Again here, chasing ghost.
Thanks for sharing, I think
And then retreat
Not sure again

Can I find creativity in the calm?
Chemical addiction
A natural high
Created by someone
Who always says good-bye

Can I find creativity in the calm?
Truths revealed
Fantasy forgotten
Which way will it go
I wait

Can I find creativity in the calm?
It's easy when I'm in love
It's easy when I grasp and hold
Not easy when confused and calm

Can I find creativity in the calm?
Is there a future
It all makes sense now
you said it would

Can I find creativity in the calm?
I want to come to you
Passwords not forgotten
But I'm scared
Scared of rejection
unanswered emails
cleaning a flower
Of being a joke

Can I find creativity in the calm?
I could wait
response forth coming
You will leave soon
Opportunity awaits


Can I find creativity in the calm?
I want to meet you
But that's your game, I think.
Suspended excitement
Love and shame

Can I find creativity in the calm?
You know me
I want a chance
To meet and dance
Afraid to ask
I love you

What I Want From Love 2.16.11

A thousand kisses upon face
A thousand glances I would grace
Rub temples
Make tea
Light a candle
You will see
While you work
Lie on couch
Humor you
Or act a grouch
Lie in bed
No longer blue
See your face
Watch you chew
Laugh and smile
Play chase
Hug attack
Around waist
Just one day
Alone
All I ask
Love
I want to try on your clothes
Wear all your shirts
A sexy hat
I'll be a flirt
Smell your pillows
Throw them in the air
Take a shower
Wash my hair
I want to jump up and down
Scream at the top of my lungs
Play twister
Scrabble
Run outside
Cartwheels

And so, I prepare to love....

Romantic Contemplates Love 2.14.11

Backdrop of blue
Cool breeze kisses
Fixes hair
Sneezes
Sun warms shoulders
filtered through trees
Shadows dance on ground
Chrysalis misses owner
construction to esteem
Wind chime sings perfect tune
Flower prepares for journey
Bird graces with song
quickly carries on
Cloud shades the sun
Breeze picks up steam
Greenhouse crackles
Swing comforts
Children talking
something profound
Shovel waits for Gardner
Cross catches eye
Plastic owl keeps watch
Compost maturing
Ants disturbed
some leave
High on hill
Tree tops
Acorns litter ground
Lone vulture patrols sky
Cardinal dashes by
Old oak past prime
almost lost last leaf

Romantic Contemplates Love

Backdrop of blue
Cool breeze kisses
Fixes hair
Sneezes
Sun warms shoulders
filtered through trees
Shadows dance on ground
Chrysalis misses owner
construction to esteem
Wind chime sings perfect tune
Flower prepares for journey
Bird graces with song
quickly carries on
Cloud shades the sun
Breeze picks up steam
Greenhouse crackles
Swing comforts
Children talking
something profound
Shovel waits for Gardner
Cross catches eye
Plastic owl keeps watch
Compost maturing
Ants disturbed
some leave
High on hill
Tree tops
Acorns litter ground
Lone vulture patrols sky
Cardinal dashes by
Old oak past prime
almost lost last leaf

Thinking about Love

Backdrop of blue
Cool breeze kisses
Fixes hair
Sneezes
Sun warms shoulders
filtered through trees
Shadows dance on ground
chrysalis misses owner
Construction to esteem
Wind chime sings perfect tune
Flower prepares for journey
Bird graces with song
quickly carries on
Cloud shades the sun
breeze picks up steam
greenhouse crackles
Swing comforts
Children talking
something profound
Shovel waits for Gardner
Cross catches eye
Plastic owl keeps watch
Compost maturing
Ants disturbed
Some leave
High on hill
Tree tops
Acorns litter ground
Lone vulture patrols sky
Cardinal dashes by
Old oak past prime
Almost lost last leaf

I Miss the Beach

Low Tide
Pulled by moon
seashore exposed
Vulnerable
Some hide
Some evolve
Some wait
Some like the moonlight
Bask
Some dig
Some head to dunes
Some swim
Fishing good by moonlight
surface full
waiting to be caught
Feeding on plankton
Huddled waiting
Barracuda
Swims from deep
Attacks fast and feeds
Belly still hungry
Repeats
Silver scales shining from light
Strong
Fast
Evolved
Hours pass
Seashore consumed
Nature returns
No more moon

Through the Eyes of a Girl-A Collection of Essays

(rough 1)
He was my best friend and he left while I was in the bathtub. We had just moved. I was five. My mom had prepared dinner. The table was set and the house smelled of pot roast and potatoes. She had baked bread and made a beautiful and healthy salad. She put me in the bath and filled the water up with bubbles. I played with a washcloth and swirled it beneath my fingers. She left the door open so she could hear me. We were all in a good mood. I felt at home.

My brother was in his room. He was drawing. He got up and looked in his closet, he plugged in an iron and starched a shirt. He was in high school and he was cool. He was smart, good looking and preppy. He was the President of his class. He was captain of the football team. He drove an El Camino, he gave rides to the other teenagers in our neighborhood. I was proud of him, proud to be his little sister. Everyone knew me because of him. His girlfriends were nice to me and taught me how to cheer.

My dad came in around 7:00, later than he was expected . He was carrying a 12 pack of beer. He didn't speak to me when he came in the door. He walked past the bathroom through the living room and into the kitchen. I could hear he and my mom talk. I tilted my ear to listen. I could hear them, but not clearly over the TV, the sound of the water. Their voices got louder and I began to take notice. I sat in still water turning colder, the bubbles now were gone. My brother stood up and listened at his doorway. He motioned at me across the hall to stay quiet.

I heard my mom begin to cry. She said, "It's not fair!" she started talking quickly starting to move about. I could hear the sadness in her voice I could here the desperation of someone who was scared. My dads voice got louder and he began to get upset. He tried to calm her, but she didn't listen. She started going insane. She cleared the cabinets , pushed everything to the floor. She started throwing things and hitting him upon the chest. She begged and pleaded. She cursed him. She ran down the hallway looking for my brother. She found his room and started screaming. "Your dad wants to leave us, he wants to get a divorce. He doesn't love us anymore. Isn't that funny?" She screamed.

I sat in the tub being still. Tears flowing from my eyes. I twisted the washcloth and held it close while I cried. I was afraid to leave the water. It was private and warm and safe. I hid behind the curtain. I just listened. My dad started getting mad he was frustrated by the show. He threatened her to calm her down, but she didn't. He grabbed his jacket and keys, he headed to the door. My mom attacked him with the pot roast and threw it at him. He yelled that she was crazy and he knew it would turn out like this. He had almost made it to the door when he stopped. He yelled for me, "Clara are you there?"
I sat quietly afraid to talk. "Clara if you're there, I want you to know something. I love you with all my heart. Don't forget it, I'll always love you. I'll be back real soon."
He left through the doorway I never saw his face. I listened as his car drove away stunned by what had happened. My brother closed his door. My mother sat in a chair and weeped. I turned back on the water and laid down.